The Separation Anxiety Survival Guide

What the source says

Separation anxiety is common in young children, especially between 6 months and 3 years. It can also last longer or appear during stress. This guide does not determine why a particular child is distressed.

Aim for a supported handoff

The goal is not “no tears.” It is a clear goodbye and a familiar, responsive adult who can help your child after you go.

Original planning suggestion; adapt to your family.

Before choosing a plan

Ask the receiving caregiver what they actually observe.

1. What happens just before the goodbye? Note noise, hunger, rushed transitions, or a change of adult.
2. What helps after I leave? Ask about play, comfort, and reconnecting with the caregiver.
3. What would make this setting feel more familiar? Choose one small adjustment together.

Original planning suggestion; adapt to your family.

Adapt to your child

Use the words, pictures, gestures, or communication supports your child already understands. A child does not need to speak to take part in a goodbye routine.

Original planning suggestion; adapt to your family.

Start with a familiar adult

NHS guidance suggests practising short separations with someone the child knows well, then gradually building up. It also suggests talking with a toddler about what you will do together when you return.

A plan you can try

This sequence is an example. Adjust it with the person who will care for your child.

1. Beforehand: name who will stay with your child and what happens next.
2. At the handoff: connect, say your short goodbye, and transfer care to the agreed adult.
3. Afterwards: ask the adult for a concrete account of what helped. Use that information to plan the next goodbye.

Original planning suggestion; adapt to your family.

Words to borrow

“I’m going now. Sam will stay with you. After your snack, I’ll come back. We can look at your book together.”

Original planning suggestion; adapt to your family.

Make a promise you can keep

Use a familiar event only if it matches your actual return. If plans change, tell the caregiver so they can explain. Avoid “just a minute” when the separation will be much longer.

Original planning suggestion; adapt to your family.

If your child cries or clings

“You want me to stay. Goodbyes feel hard today. Sam is here to help you. I’ll see you after snack.”

Original planning suggestion; adapt to your family.

Make room for a different day

These are practical adjustments, not a treatment plan.

1. For an unfamiliar setting, ask about spending time there together before the next handoff.
2. Agree on communication or sensory supports before leaving.
3. Make sure the receiving adult can provide safe, attentive care. A script cannot make an unsafe setting suitable.

Original planning suggestion; adapt to your family.

When to ask for help

The NHS recommends seeking help for a lot of distress, long-lasting upset after you leave, or difficulties continuing for more than a few weeks. Ask your pediatrician or a qualified child-health professional; in the UK, a health visitor can help. You can ask sooner if worried.

The handoff

Who will be there? What will that adult offer first?

Original planning suggestion; adapt to your family.

Our words and return plan

What will we say, and when will we actually return?

Original planning suggestion; adapt to your family.

What we will notice

What helped after the goodbye? What would we change next time?

Original planning suggestion; adapt to your family.

An example of a useful note

“Cried at the door. Sat with Sam and looked at a book, then joined play. Tomorrow we’ll have the same book ready.” This is an illustration, not a promised outcome.

Original planning suggestion; adapt to your family.

Separation anxiety

NHS · Source accessed 2026-10-23

Guidance for babies and toddlers; this guide uses it for ages 1–3, not older-child anxiety treatment.